why don't you like me ??

how we turned the smallest gesture into emotional currency

a couple thoughts on something totally unimportant.

“they viewed my story. twice.

but they didn’t like the post.

i know they saw it. i know they scrolled past it. i know they liked three other posts that day.

but mine? radio silence.”

i’m not proud of this internal monologue, but it exists. and i don’t think i’m alone.

we don’t talk enough about the emotional calculus of the like.

there’s something strangely charged about the missing like. it’s not a comment. it’s not a dm. it’s a tap. a thumb flick. the lowest-effort form of affirmation. and yet, when it’s withheld, it feels pointed.

according to this deeply relatable blog post, some women have a handful of facebook “friends” who routinely ghost on posts about good news. they’ll comment “cute” on a neutral school lunch pic but disappear when you post about a new job or something joyful. the suspicion is that they saw it…. they just didn’t want to validate it.

because liking isn’t neutral. it’s social currency.

and we’re hoarding it.

i’ve got a few thoughts on why this happens

reason 1) fear of co-signing

there’s a reason people don’t like bold or controversial posts, even if they agree with them. the modern internet has made us risk-averse by design. liking something “edgy” might align you with the wrong crowd. or worse, get you pulled into a comment war you didn’t ask for.

especially on linkedin or instagram, platforms where your personal brand is doing most of the talking. a like becomes an implicit endorsement. one that can be screen capped, quoted, dissected.

reason 2) fear of reciprocity

another reason people withhold likes is simple: they’re tired. liking something might feel like the beginning of a social transaction. if i like your post, will you dm me? follow up? expect something in return?

likes have become emotional IOUs. and not everyone wants more social debt.

this shows up most obviously on instagram, where story views massively outpace likes. thousands of silent eyeballs, dozens of interactions, almost no public support.

it’s the lurker economy. and we’re all complicit.

reason 3) fear of the algorithm

some people aren’t withholding likes to be petty. they’re doing it to protect their feed. on platforms like instagram, what you like determines what you see.

liking a post means you’ll get more of that genre, that person, that vibe, until your feed becomes a version of yourself you never meant to cement.

so now, before liking, we pause.

do i really want more of this?

reason 4) fear of status

then there’s the classic competitive non-acknowledgement.

some people just don’t want to clap when others win.

one woman wrote about how certain friends would ignore any post about her family’s success. they’d like a birthday post or a meme, but anything joyful? nothing.

not because they don’t care. but because they do, in the wrong direction. envy, comparison, resentment. it’s subtle. and liking, for some, feels like handing out status points.

reason 5) “not everyone gets a medal”

some people will tell you they’re withholding likes on purpose.

that it’s more “authentic” not to click on everything.

that not everything deserves a reaction.

sure!

but let’s not pretend it’s not also judgment.

sometimes not liking is just emotional intermittent fasting.

it’s not that deep

not every non-like is a snub. sometimes we’re distracted. sometimes we forget. sometimes we’re on 3% battery.

but sometimes we know exactly what we’re doing.

as one redditor said, “it’s usually people that want to know what you’re up to, but don’t want to support you.”

and that stings a bit. even if we’re all doing it too.

you don’t owe anyone a like.

but if something made you pause, smile, feel what harm is there in pressing the button?

sometimes the most generous thing we can do online is just acknowledge each other.