things I wish I knew sooner

thinking a lot about what I tell younger women (and men) when they ask for advice.

me @ 6

1. you don’t have to equate confidence with arrogance.

2. you won’t get what you don’t ask for. (speak up)

3. you don’t need permission to begin enjoying your own company.

4. you show people how to treat you.

5. you aren’t someone whose values can be squashed or stretched, fit into a tiny box of convenience.¹

6. if you’re feeling anxious- you’re in the future

7. if you’re feeling depressed- you’re in the past

8. you are not a secret. don’t let them hide you.¹

9. what you say about yourself (even to yourself) matters more than you’d believe. stop yelling at the flower of you, hoping it’ll grow.

10. you aren’t absolved of responsibility just because someone also has shitty behaviour. ²

11. change begins the moment you stop waiting for rescue.³

2 weeks after breakup - 2024

12. it isn’t poetic and romantic to yearn and pine. it’s wasteful.

13. no one is watching you as much as you wish they were.

14. the easiest way to shift a bad mood is to focus on being useful to others

15. your love for another person may be control in disguise

16. take note of those who make you genuinely laugh

17. intimacy is built through vulnerability, and vulnerability requires safety.

    
    
    
    
    
    notes
    ¹ aka stop pursuing unavailable people

    ¹ truly, STOP dating unavailable people

    ² aka “two things can be true at once”/ learn duality, dammit!

    ³ this, for me was the most important lesson. the lesson of lessons. There is no guru, no mentor, no elder, no course, no book, no podcast. there is nothing that compares to the act of caring for yourself.