Schrödinger’s content

a human look at disappointment

i’ve been living in a sort of Schrödinger’s content state my the ideas exist both as potential and as failure.

i’ve had so many creative projects sitting in my head. like video scripts, shot lists, tiktok drafts even imagined captions

i would rehearse it all internally.

-how i’d frame the shots

-the tone of the voiceover

-how the edit would look

sometimes i’d even daydream about the kind of reaction it would get.

or the one comment that would validate the whole piece

maybe even a dm from someone saying

this is exactly how i feel

then PTO happened and I got time to make something for myself.

so I made something and was confronted with the reality

it was harsh, yeah but not world-ending.

without the imagined validation propping up the project in my head

questions i asked

-do i still want to make this?

-do i care enough to post it even if it flops?

-can i let go of the version of this that only existed to be liked?

you don’t really experience an idea until you let it move all the way through you from ideation to creation to feedback

and i was creatively fucking constipated…not because i lacked inspiration but because i was afraid of what might happen after

i wanted to control the reaction before even posting, blocked myself from finishing anything

because if i didn’t post it…i couldn’t be ignored

my default response wasn’t even proper reflection. It was resentment.

“they don’t get it”
”the platform is broken”
etc etc

now i see that reaction for what it really is, not truth…just ego

but also, a very human attempt to protect myself from disappointment

maybe they don’t care

and maybe that’s not a problem, it’s a mirror

a gentle and sometimes brutal reminder to look at what i’m actually making.

why do you “go online”? what are you seeking?

once you answer that, you’re free.

not from criticism or the algorithm but from the mental purgatory of “almost”.