hey kids. lots of unfinished thoughts in this one with 0 context. trying to start a conversation (reply?)
what i saw / what i thought
i’ve been thinking a lot about stalking lately.
it’s weird how normalised the idea of online stalking is.
like viewing stories repeatedly, monitoring posts online etc.
i’ve done it, so have many others. hell i’ve done worse than that when I was limerent.
yet i know how quickly that curiosity can feel different when it’s directed at you.
here’s a cool research paper on the theory behind the motivations
i watched “i’m a stalker” recently and it was a hard watch. i end up feeling empathy, which is complicated. some of that comes from my own history with limerence, and some of it is because i’ve been stalked more than once. twice in person. countless times online.
what’s unsettling is how much of it i used to mistake for romance. someone waiting outside my work because they “just happened to be nearby.”
someone sending me long messages about how connected they felt to me, not recognising the parasocial relationship for what it was.
it felt nice to be recognised at first but that quickly changes to fear and unease when the person reverse image searches the view from out your window, finds your address and sends you flowers.
i don’t have a tidy summary of my thoughts about this at all, just a bunch of questions.
what i can’t stop thinking about
I’ve been thinking a lot about Poe’s Law (after being posted a few times on r/linkedinlunatics and people not realising that i exclusively shitpost)
also the “luxury” of disillusionment. how if you’re disillusioned with certain aspects of your life, it probably means you’ve done the reps to feel confident and comfortable. imo the way to move past this feeling is through. to acknowledge the fading excitement and to ask yourself what you’re yearning for.
the algorithm gave me this and now you must suffer
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something I enjoyed/ something I learned
i finally started posting on tiktok (like i said i would)
also on youtube shorts if thats your thing
after years of sporadically posting impression skits and quickly deleting them, i stuck through and this week i’ve seen my account grow more than i thought it would.
my vids on there are character improv. mostly “creative deadbeat girlfriend” and “avoidant partner” skits.
some thoughts on comments/ feedback/ being on the platform:
its been SO hard to get traction with my videos for tl;dv (company i work). people are used to seeing my coworkers faces and i felt i wasn’t able to crack the code to get views. i initially started posting on my own out of curiosity mixed with spite.
i quickly discovered that divisive content/ unlikeable characters drive the most engagement and views. the characters i like the most don’t get the views i’d hope for them and that just the nature of posting tbh.
i’m really enjoying playing (every video is improvised and i feel like a theatre nerd)
it’s weird that some of the people closest to me don’t engage with my videos. this is something i’ve talked about before
i’m sure i’ll have more to write about at another time but for now, posting shortform has been the best thing i’ve done for myself in a while.
top 3 most played songs of this week
love you lots,
hope you win
xo Renee
PS going camping this weekend, what's something unconventional I should bring ?