I burned down my world and all I got was this pageview

Nov 22, 2024

“can you even do that” — that’s what my brain says when I think about how to deliver the news to you.

The news is that I’m feeling overwhelmed by something as simple as a newsletter.

It’s not just a newsletter though, is it?
At one point- it had been

a dream
proof that someone *believed* in me
an investment
a showcase of others' talent

They gave me my voice. They funded me to create a podcast/ newsletter/ platform to lift the words and works of others.

Did I do that?….. For a time.
For a time, I interviewed, I promoted, “created content”.

I ferociously pursued what I believed was very important stuff.

I wasn’t going to be another AI newsletter. I was *funny*. I was *relatable*.

Then life happened.

And a pivot happened.

And then ego happened.

I left my marriage.

I broke up my family.

I moved house (twice).

I stopped working.

I stopped connecting.

I cemented myself as “liability hire, job hopping extraordinaire”.

Sheepishly, tail between my legs, I started to post again on LinkedIn.

An activity that, embarrassing as it is to say- provides me with a teeny bit of joy.

Shitposting as a love language? Yes, please.

I’d hinted at my breakdown in posts.

Cryptically mentioning a lost love, writing bad poetry and leaving comments and context clues.

That was the ego, though.

I assumed that the world would stop for me.

Assumed that I could be self-interested and self-serving and that the world would be there for me, understanding and ready to hold me.

This isn’t how it works.

And so applying to jobs became my new Everest.

My resume looked a mess. It wasn’t clear whether I was a seriousperson™ or a trainwreck.

Maybe that’s what unsupervised learning was always meant to be?

Maybe it’s an understanding of the people underneath the tech?

The people working it out.

That’s what I’m going with.